soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
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i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
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I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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