Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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