There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
