"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
