I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
