it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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