I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
