i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
