Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
