i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
