didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
