1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
