Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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