Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
