I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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