And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
