Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
