we're blogging at a bar
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
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