hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
