Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
