i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
