I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
