i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
