i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
