This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
