remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
