You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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