Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
