I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
