Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
