Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
