Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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