eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
