Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize