I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
