For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
