Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
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i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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