Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
