How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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