when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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