Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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