Kareoke will never be a sober sport
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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