I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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