Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
