Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
