And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
