there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
