We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize