Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
