Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
