You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
