bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
