did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
