her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
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Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
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he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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