How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
