I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
