Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My balls are so social today.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
