you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
