Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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