wrigley field is MILF paradise
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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