I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
