you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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